Politics is dead – let’s celebrate…

with a pointless meaningless quiz of Trivia and general nonsense. More questions than a Lib Dem leaflet drop. More reliable facts than a Labour party poll. More enjoyment than a Green manifesto.

Just two pledges for this week’s election night Thursday Trivia Quiz. (8pm at the Purple Carrot) 1. There will be no politics in this week’s questions. 2. The Jackpot £100+ will be won – even if there’s only one team! a nice little something to soften the upcoming next 5 years of austerity. We offer food beforehand from 6.30pm ish and this weeks frippery allows you to bring your own booze for a small corkage fee. There is no football to be missed, and Sunderland will struggle to declare before you get finished, home and feet up for 6 hours of mad mad Jeremy Vine talking twaddle all the time


Dear Greater Hassocks,

Firstly thank you for supporting us over the last year. I realise there have been many competing demands on your time and money – not least 10 other cafe/coffee/lunch establishments in the village and several large well-deserving charities that have needed much support, so any grains are good.

It has, however, become increasingly obvious to us that there are too many day-time opportunities for food and drink, but not a decent balance in the evening. In 2024 we’ll try and redress that with later opening hours and evening meals. We plowed that furrow for 2 years before COVID arrived, as there was much demand but in the end not that much take-up. Let’s see if all this extra housing has produced a few extra mouths to feed. Hopefully, we can also do something about our lack of street-level access, as we know this hinders some of you who would love to come and eat or participate in the various clubs that meet here.

Going into 2024 our Opening Hours will change a bit to start with and get longer as it gets lighter, but the last daytime hot food orders will remain at 2pm.

Monday 8.30am – 3.00pm

Tuesday – CLOSED

Wednesday 8.30am – 3.00pm

Thursday 8.30pm – 3.00pm

Friday 8.00pm – 2.00pm

Saturday 9.00am – 2.00pm

Sunday 9.00am – 2.00pm

Ha Ha Hassocks Comedy

Born out of the often-heard lament “Nothing Ever Happens in Hassocks” we started up Ha HA! in 2015- We’ve now decided to take a break from the bigger stuff. After 8 and a half years the logistics and the time spent organising don’t get any simpler when you have a nomadic existence. It’s good to see that Stephen and his Forge / so you think your funny buddies have taken on all we set out to do back in the day – bring comedy and fun time entertainment to Hassocks, then broadening out to our less fortunate brethren in the greater Hassocks conurbation of Mid Sussex. Next Up…..well who knows? nothing big but maybe some intimate evenings – beginners slots and warm-ups – but not before Spring at the earliest


I think it’s fair to say that after 12 years of The Purple Carrot we’ve had many good times and a few god-damn awful ones. Things have moved on and populations changed. Yes we still make the best coffee in the area, yes we still come up with some of the most inventive and tasty foods but we struggle with just how much we have to charge to try and make a profit to continue providing the same quality of product. Part of our rationale has always been the community we’re in and giving a bit of help and succour to those who might be experiencing a worse time than ourselves but we can no longer physically afford to do this. So this will be our last year – in this form at least. When you think about it how many people actually do the exact same job for 13 years? it’s been fun but I need a break, and so do you all….probably

Festive? but what happens after?

Enjoy your festivities whatever they may be, but return to the Carrot afor end of ’23


  • 9.30am-2.00pm – Wed 27th, Thurs 28th, Fri 29th Dec;
  • 9am-2pm Sat 30th, Sun 31st Dec

If you knock on the door in 2024 it will open 9.00am on Wednesday 3rd Jan and we’ll take it from there

Coming Up very soon

Wednesday 27th Decembera little quiz to get you thinking after several days of over drinking, and eating n TV and pressies and rellies and wellies and dogs in streams. Open from 6.45pm quiz will start at 8 until 9.45pm – we have space for three more teams. There will be pies and chilli, possibly even some of the ever popular turkey curry, and sweet stuff a plenty – BYO – £5pp including corkage

2024 – January highlights

Thursday 4 Jan 2024 – 2.00-4.00 pm – U3A board games

Sunday 7 Jan – 2.00 pm-4.15 pm – Philosophy Club

Monday 8 Jan – 2.15 pm-4.00 pm – Exploring Chess (new club, all levels welcome)

Monday 8 Jan – 7.00 pm-8.30 pm – Knit and Natter (new evening) free, but buy tea!

Thursday 11 Jan – 8.00 pm-9.45 pm – The Quiz is back

Friday 19 Jan – from 7.00 pm-10.00 pm – THE most popular of POP QUIZZES £5

Friday 26 Jan – 7.00 pm – 10.30 pm – Tasters returns – warming your whistle – £35

that’s it , then…?

After eight years of bringing high quality mirth making to Hassocks and it’s suburbs under the banner of Ha!Ha! Hassocks we have decided to hang up our comedy cassocks and go out with a bang.

The Treason Show (satire of the highest calibre – “Have I got news for you” meets spitting image doused in “Not the nine o’clock news” ) brings to an end a little under a decade of entertainment embarked upon to celebrate my birthday, at Adastra Hall, back in 2015 under the banner “nothing ever happens in Hassocks” – compared by Stephen Grant, featuring Rudi Lickwood, Tom Deacon, and bringing Ian Moore back from France on his vespa to headline. It was packed to the rafters, and I’m told one of the best things to happen in Hassocks this century.

So now we bring this joyous set of events – over 50 different comedians and many varied evenings – to a close and we would like nothing better than to fill the village hall once again for an appropriate send off into oblivion.

there are still 25 – 30 tickets left for sale – would be lovely to see you


Opening Hours – into 2024

Monday 8.30am – 3.00pm

Tuesday CLOSED

Wednesday 8.30am – 3.00pm

Thursday 8.30am – 3.00pm

Friday 8.30am – 2.30pm

Saturday 9.00am – 2.00pm

Sunday 9.00am – 2.00pm

We’ve tried four months of Breakfast times (7.30-10 am) at the Purple Carrot every weekday morning from September. Unfortunately, the people who assured us they wanted this earlier service very rarely used it, so into 2024 we’re pushing the opening back to 8.30 am on a weekday, and remaining closed on Tuesdays. what this does mean is that you get a bit longer in the afternoon to enjoy your lunch. Nothing fancy but excellent tea and coffee, juice and smoothies, toast and accompaniments, obviously bacon and eggs, some tempting shakshuka, various vegan offerings, and yoghurt berries and granola. When it gets a bit colder we might even venture into proper porridge too

Brunch to Lunch gives a fullish morning menu with excellent PC salads, Toastie Ciabattas, Jackets, and a weekly special or two for a bit of variety.

For the present our awesome Street food suppers are only to be had when events are on in the evening such as quizzes, bookclubs and interest groups…so why not get a few of you together and book us for an evening?

All new Carrots – doom, gloom and dirty laundry, and Breakfast club beginnings

I reckon that has to be one of the most miserable winters I can remember ever going through, even after two recent years of COVID. and spring to summer hasn’t really been much better.

At the risk of upsetting a few people who feel coffee shop owners shouldn’t do politics it looks like the self-serving mean spirited words and actions of our austere politicians, and piss-taking multinationals have finally taken their toll. Utilities, food, transport, and travel basics have all risen to such an extent that providing a “lipstick treat” service such as a beautifully crafted flat white, a scrumptious stuffed vegan kebob, a melt-in-your-mouth lush Halloumi burger, a sizzling shakshuka or a plain and simple salted caramel flapjack now goes from the realms of a (regular) treat to a cautious appraisal of the monthly budget and a possible trip out doors.

One of the main problems is that in all good conscience, I cannot bring myself to put prices at where they must sit to make enough profit to continue trading and pay the bills at the same time. So this will be our last year in this particular incarnation of purple carrotier progressivism.

While our website goes from professional to cut-price, one thing we will not skimp on is the quality of our product. Both food and drink will continue to be sourced providing the best quality as ethically as possible, as our menu gets set for autumn and winter with a spring cleaning of our prices.

These have been unfortunate times for the purple carrot. If only certain people had paid us what they owed the predicament we have now would not be upon us. At the end of September we go back to court with a previous landlord aiming to take a chunk out of our house, because he’d rather litigate than play it straight and put his hand in his very deep filled pocket. We also face the thorny issue of tackling our previous under-tenants who have currently screwed us out of (coffee)house and home leaving us with a large financial hole for the last 5 1/2 years. Two different utility companies have found that over-charging and underperforming in their provider roles doesn’t always just get them more cash from docile micro-businesses, but it sure is a battle of time and money to get a fair hearing and a fair outcome. HMRC really don’t like admitting they have got something wrong, and pick up the phone less frequently than my deaf old ma (love you mum). And as a last little cherry on the top when your bank decides that you are in arrears on a loan even though you are months ahead of payments and pulls the plug then the fan really is being hit very hard indeed.

so what to do?

Well as you might have guessed from this unseemly airing of private laundry we, like so many others suffer from black dog days, bouts of what are probably classed as depression, ADHD and anything else you may care to label it as. One of the hardest things to do is get out of bed in the morning and get on with the day. We’ve had a go at the tried and tested “hiding the head under the pillow” option but that only offers comfort for a limited time.

Therefore, thus and without prevarication we are now going to tackle that issue head on and from 4 September we will be opening our doors at 7.30am Monday – Friday to provide breakfasts and space to get ready for the day. Don’t come expecting croissants and pastries, that’s not breakfast just an artful sugary carb filler, but good coffee; many quality teas; toast and local marmalade; yogurt, and pc granola with berries on top; bacon and eggs; shakshuka to punch a hole in that early morning fug; vegan and veggie treats. If no one comes at least I’ll get a coffee and chance to catch up on loads of lovely paperwork


Easter Weekend opening times

Good Friday – CLOSED daytime (evening event 7.30pm)
Saturday 9am-2pm
Sunday 9am-2pm
Monday – CLOSED
Tuesday 10am-2pm
Back at it from Wednesday

Further to this we have decided to curtail our Friday morning opening experiment for the time being at least. When it costs more in staff than we take on the gate it really doesn’t add up. We’ll keep offering the Friday evening events as and when – like the Paulies Popular quiz gets Teddy Appeal – Friday 5 May and cheeseboard evenings…but Friday daytime is not for us

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